Hi there. A neighbor told me recently about this site. I am the mother of a 20 yr. old Marine who just graduated boot camp at Parris Island. I am having a very tough time with this… he joined not out of patriotism, but because he didn’t know what to do with his life, and had a pushy recruiter. He wrote us exactly one letter the whole time he was gone. I want to support him, but have never been a fan of the military life. Of course, my dreams of college for him died a long time ago… he has ADHD and hated school. So why would they want him in the marines???? Anyone else feel as depressed as I do about this?

Mazal Tov!

You should be feeling pride instead of depression!  Your son has accomplished something that many only dream about and only a select few have completed successfully.  Your dreams of college are exactly that, your dreams.  I’m sure he joined the Marines for more reasons than a pushy recruiter and too much free time.  He must have seen something in them that he liked.  Most of the guys I enlisted with didn’t do so because we were uber-patriots, but rather that we admired the camaraderie and professionalism of the Corps and wanted to challenge ourselves in ways we never thought possible.

My parents were not thrilled when I enlisted either (they wanted the college route too), but once my mind was made up, they always supported me 100%.  They let me know how proud they are of what I have accomplished on a regular basis.  Your son is a Marine now, regardless of you being a “fan of the military life.” If you support him and take interest in what he is doing, then he will return the favor and share his experiences with you and come to you when he needs help.  If you only let him know that you disapprove of his decision and that you do not care for the military, then you will be lucky to receive an occasional letter. 

I don’t mean to come across as harsh, but I can relate to this story personally and I hope that I can convey some of my personal experience with the situation.  A big part of me enlisting was to “become my own man” and get away from my parents and home town.  I loved (and still love) them dearly, but I had to get out on my own and start living my own life.  This may or may not be the case with your son, but if it is, a little separation (and lack of correspondence) might be expected.  Give him time to make you proud and he will be glad to share what is going on in his life.

Also, don’t think that he has no future with the Marine Corps.  Whether he stays in or not, he will have endless opportunities for education and employment when the time comes.  The Corps really encourages continuing education.  I had my entire college education paid for by the Corps and they are spending millions of dollars now to train me in my current job.  There are few other employers that would do the same.

So the moral of this story is to be happy for your son and show him how much you care about him by supporting him and taking interest in what he is doing.  Go buy a “Proud Parent of a U.S. Marine” sticker and slap in on your car.  Or better yet, get a free one from the recruiter (you deserve it!).  Graduating from PI is no small feat and his parents should brag about it.  We have a saying in the Marines that “the shot is already downrange”.  In other words, the decision is made, you (or he) cannot take it back.  Accept it and move on.  Make the best of it, because worrying and stressing over it will no longer do any good. 

He has an ocean of opportunity ahead of him.  I hope the two of you (and other family members) can enjoy the adventure that is sure to come.  I wish him and you the best in the future.

If you think I’m way of base here, let me know.  I’d also be happy to answer any questions you have about life in the Marine Corps.  I also welcome other Jarheads to chime in with their reaction.  This is a discussion forum… let’s discuss!

Semper Fidelis!

Jason Rubin

Here, here.

I was pretty much a juvenile delinquent before I joined the Marines.  I didn’t even think about applying to college after high school.  The Marines turned this guy around 180 degrees.  They gave me the discipline, self-esteem and standing in society to be successful.  It was truly the best decision I have ever made in my life.

I have seen too many Marines who enlisted against their parent’s will and were shunned by their family.  The medals they earn, awards they recieve and amazing feats they accomplish as a Marine mean nothing to their unsupportive families.  It’s a sad shame because the brotherhood of the Marine Corps is one that holds it’s members to a higher standard than civilian society.  The words Honor, Courage and Commitment are more than just words.  You definitely do not have to go to University immediately after high school in order to be a respectable member of society.

Support your son, he has embarked on a noble endeavor.  He deserves the respect of every soul that has ever enjoyed for a moment the wonderful lifestyle we experience in this country.

Taiyas

Please try not to be depressed.  The U.S. Marine Corps is not just part of the military--it’s an organization that will give your son life-long skills and a sense of pride that can be matched anywhere.

The Marines know what they’re doing--trust in them.  But even with all his Marine buddies around to support him, he will still need your love and support.  Just offer it as much as you can.

Your son is in this whether you like it or not. If you love him and want to maintain a connection with him, you MUST support him. It is the only conscionable path for you to take. I had a hard time with my son’s choice to enlist, but once it was done, I was totally there for him, and for the Corps. I wrote him daily at PI, sent jokes and cartoons and photos, I sent packages of whatever was permitted (cough drops, vitamins, gatorade mix), I followed his progress on the PI message board, I planned for family and friends to be there at his graduation, I prepared stuff for him on his return (party, scrapbook, special foods), and I planned his 10-day leave as much as I could to meet his desires and needs while he was home. In return, I have a scrapbook full of his letters home that he wrote during boot camp, letteres rich in his experiences and his self-reflections, and also full of his expressions of love and appreciation for our support (my husband wrote a lot, too). During his 10-day leave, my mom passed away. My son was there for me like a rock of support. We’d had our hard times before he enlisted, and there were some run-ins during his leave, but overall, we’ve all decided to treat this experience as positively as possible. If you don’t do that, you are truly failing your son, and losing him, too. Don’t let that happen, for your sake or his. He NEEDS you now!

Lynn, PMM of Ethan
MCT, Echo Co.

kitties, you should definitely get in touch with Lynn (the previous poster).  You two are in almost the exact same situation in regards to your sons’ choice of profession and their point in training.

There are a ton of support groups for Marine Moms out there.  I know my mom joined a few online groups soon after I enlisted.  Regardless of your own support of your son, there are sure to be difficult times during deployments and such.  The military is one big family and the Marine Corps is the tightest of them all.  Take advantage of the wealth of knowledge of those that have “been there and done that.”

Also, take a look at the story Lynn posted on the main site.  It is an inspiring account of boot camp from her son.

kitties - 29 December 2005 09:49 PM

Hi there. A neighbor told me recently about this site. I am the mother of a 20 yr. old Marine who just graduated boot camp at Parris Island. I am having a very tough time with this… he joined not out of patriotism, but because he didn’t know what to do with his life, and had a pushy recruiter. He wrote us exactly one letter the whole time he was gone. I want to support him, but have never been a fan of the military life. Of course, my dreams of college for him died a long time ago… he has ADHD and hated school. So why would they want him in the marines???? Anyone else feel as depressed as I do about this?

Wow. Your son sounds exactly like me minus the pushy recruiter. Its not as bad as you seem to think. You should be proud of him. He has done what a good portion of the population can’t or won’t do. My mom felt the same way. What she did was she supported me and now she kind of likes me being a Marine. Just support him and take a genuine interest in what he is doing and what he has decided.